End of days
(Motherhouse prior to leaving for hermitage on April 10th, 2015)
We are living in perilous times – times of double standards – times where willfulness has replaced character and good decision-making – where violence replaces Love – where Mercy is put down as weakness – where society degenerates into the “survival of the fittest” – where societal norms become a thing of the past – as pragmatism and progressivism replace purity and politeness.
I am like a pelican in the wilderness – like an owl of the desert.
Soon I will also disappear – disallowed by society – a society that no longer wishes a moral course – but prefers a “political-correct” approach where there we are no longer bound by the Law of GOD (Psalm 2 speaks of these things well in advance of the present age’s culmination). Freedom of speech Is a thing of the past, if you choose to disagree with the “party line.”
It does not matter – happily I am dying daily – I do not wish to Live in such a dead world, where my Beloved LORD Jesus is relegated to an occasional mention – and other things (the world, the flesh and the devil) are more important than the LORD o Glory, my True King.
I Live in the desert – I prefer the prairies that are distant and show my nothingness – I Love the solitude of the grasses that blow in the afternoon winds – the silence that comes when I can only hear the breath and heartbeat that cries out every second or two – “LORD Jesus have Mercy on us sinners.”
I am truly “spent” and “weary” – preferring LIFE with Jesus for Eternity over the misery of such a world where we have Life in HIM – but that is not my choice to act upon – I am His and He is my Savior and LORD – my Sovereign – His Majesty is able to dispose of me as He wills – not my will, but Thine be done, dear GOD!
It is better, says Jeremiah, as I also remember every moment of my day my Beloved LORD JESUS in this psalm of “acrostic triads” of Lamentations, chapter three:
Teth. The Lord is good to them that hope in him, to the soul that seeketh him.
Teth. It is good to wait with silence for the salvation of God.
Teth. It is good for a man, when he hath borne the yoke from his youth.
Jod. He shall sit solitary, and hold his peace: because he hath taken it up upon himself.
Jod. He shall put his mouth in the dust, if so be there may be hope.
Jod. He shall give his cheek to him that striketh him, he shall be filled with reproaches.
It is the passage that follows the Loving-Kindness (Mercy) of GOD who is our Divine Mercy – it is the Comfort of the hermit monk.
I am nothing – and this nothing Loves the LORD who is Some One that Loves us in the Way who is deeper than any ocean. The mercy-Love of GOD is deeper than all the loves of men.
I have seen the “loves” of men fail at every turn – it is only a matter of time before such “loves” fail – but Divine – that is “PERFECT LOVE” – this LOVE never fails – but in Love it challenges us to Love Him first through our actions (with every fiber of our being) – and thus to Love one another in HIM who is LOVE.
We never have to try to Love – we only have to surrender to HIM who is our Perfect Love – and thus we trust in Love and He Loves through us and strengthens us to Love as He Loves.
I am overcome with tears – but it does not matter – I am an anachronism – a useless one – an old man now. I am easy “prey” for corrupt souls who wish to do violence to me – and when I am hit and beaten – I will happily die and be with my Beloved who has never hit me once, even though I deserved it.
You see, as we are drawn more closely to JESUS we experience something of His Passion and learn Compassion in the loneliness and the silence that brings upon our heart the Prayer of REST in HIM alone.
Abba Anthony the repentant sinner